Sunday, 1 May 2011
Love is quiet and tender
By Ariik-Dut Atekdit
With the experience we have gone through, love can fit to be defined with words like quietness, softness and tenderness. Words that have special good actions towards people we are sharing life. Love is a light that allows people to see things that are not seen by others.
While romantic love in special way is a deep emotional, sexual and spiritual recognition and regard for the value of another person and relationship. Romantic love can generate many powerful feelings. It can provide a profound ecstasy, and a deep suffering when frustrated. To some people, romantic love is irrational. Romantic love can seem like an emotional storm.
In our last valentine celebrations many young people were seen moving gently on our poor roads and the small towns we have in South Sudan. You could see that their faces showed peace and they showed handling and care. And almost everybody felt high moving together hand in hand with a boyfriend/girlfriend.
To some people who stayed far away from their beloved ones, they talked over phones on long period subscriptions discussing love and their future. It is observed that it is rather easy to explain how much you love some one than showing it in action. With love descriptions we feel: Someone we love enters the room. Our eyes and heart light up. We look at this person. We feel a growing feeling of joy within us. We reach out and touch their hand. We feel happy and fulfilled.
I believe we all have a profound need to find things in the world we care about and feel inspired by.
Life is worthwhile - at any age - when we find something worth pursuing. In loving you, I see in you a part of me that is also you... I also see in you something that is really me. And there is you, a person of many qualities-- a person who is a mystery-- a person I am drawn to.
All life - by its very nature - entails a possibility of defeat. Because of this, we find pleasure and reassurance in the expression of life. Sharing our life and participating in life is reassuring that life is possible. Romantic love is an intense sharing and reassurance that life is possible
Sometimes lovers try to describe person’s body to prove that he/she love them so much. But does love remains strong in place even after marriage? My married and experienced colleague told me that most promises made by lovers when young never come true when they are married. But the questions remain, why? Where does love go to after marriage?
Before going further, I should talk about the institution of marriage. One kind of marriage is the utilitarian marriage. In this type of marriage there is an absence of mutual involvement or passion. This type of marriage is usually held together by social, financial or family considerations. In a utilitarian marriage the relationship is made tolerable by long separations, community activities and usually infidelity.
The other kind of a marriage is the intrinsic marriage. In this type of marriage there is passionate emotional and sexual involvement. The experience of life is shared. The relationship is considered more fulfilling and interesting than any social activity. In this relationship there is a tendency to avoid activities resulting in separations.
Marriage itself does not create or sustain romantic love. To love someone, and for that love to endure, requires the ability to see that person with clarity. For example, we have all seen how some people will romanticize or glamorize their partners.
Although you enjoyed last valentine day with your girl/boyfriend you still have a lot to do. Fascination, attraction, or passion may be born "at first sight". But love requires curiosity, patience, acceptance and seeing people for who they truly are. This usually takes time.
Romantic love is based on shared sight and is shaped by happiness. Immature love is based on shared blindness, and is merely a fortress against pain. We better look for love which is quiet and tender.