I thought I was close to being a perfect boyfriend. I was charming, funny, very generous, expressed feelings of love to her... Then recently because of my absence she decided to leave me - I was too nice.
Where did I meet her?
One evening I visited my cousin in his house. That was during my early days in Wau town. While with him together came a girl, who in few seconds caught my interest. She greeted us with her soft and peaceful hands. Her voice sounds sweet. Her eyes where so bright and straight although she couldn’t look direct into people’s eyes. As a visitor I remained quiet, calm and mandated only to our conversation. And that did not mean I was actually following the conversation any longer like in the beginning. I was attracted to her appearance and structure and my eyes would love only to look at her. The way she expressed herself when talking with my cousin indicated that the girl was responsible and respectful I could suggest.
Being a late teenager by then I was in some confusion and my inside heart was silently demanding her to remain with us as long as I would stay together with my cousin for that evening. However that was quite opposite because in short time she kindly asked for permission to go and she immediately left. I cursed my cousin for allowing her to go. That was my first day with her. And to tell you the fact we did not introduce ourselves to each other. And my heart was seriously beaten by such a failure. I termed it so. I asked myself, “why did I fail to ask even her name, (esim alkarim)”After my departure back to our home I forgot about her and my memory could not bring it again. After two days with the same son of my uncle we met her coming out of cathedral church. Again it plashed into my head and thought of her. She had been there that afternoon for the singing practice. And good enough my cousin had intended that day to make an introduction between her and me. I was already attracted by the play in the markaz al shabab and my cousin who had seen her told me to remain standing for he wanted us to greet somebody, (fi zol derin na selamo), he said.
The two of them entered into a simple chat and surely I got absorbed to it. I did not intend to listen to my cousin but only to her though I could sometimes pretend to be looking far away. In the first place I feared my cousin could be a boyfriend to, but as their chatting continued, I observed that it was a simple and a mere plain friendship and normal, not romantic I mean to say. A number of young girls and boys of our age were all moving out of the big church of St. Mary cathedral in Wau. They could greet us nicely for the fact that my cousin has been a well-known person among them. And to tell you the truth I had no eyes to see them more than admiring her. Her eyes too were so welcoming and I really loved that. That evening, days did not go long before reporting my request to my cousin that I wanted to court the girl and I confirmed from him if any relation is in romantic friendship with her.
He highly supported the idea. Then I remained strong and happy and only waited to meet and tell her my feeling about her. It was another difficult step ahead of me. You even can see my dear reader that I was in such a preparation for a new girlfriend. In those days before 2005 Southern Sudan was divided into two different societies. The SPLM/A liberated areas and the government controlled towns. In towns people used Arabic as a medium of education and girls also like to use it for discussing love affairs. Guess which language I should use to express my opinion since I only could speak English and a local language.
The lady was at the time a member of the association to which I belonged. So in the following day she came for the meeting of the association which I could also attend. She greeted me with some smile and it gave me joy and happiness into my soul. However I controlled my feeling. After the meeting was dismissed, I decided to speak my mind to her this time. By now were in the youth playing centre, (markaz shabab) as they called it in Arabic. The ground was a good place which was so colourful, for you can see young girls and boys together. Not only limited to that but a lot of sports were played on the ground.
I got my chance and brevity to convey my message of love to her. After a short silence I told her, Akuindiik, her name that I want to discuss with you very important issue you and only want you to give time and should move to a little silent place were noises will not interrupt our discussion and she admitted and we were now moved just quite far from the noise. I know now you my reader would like to know how started to tell her my heart kept message.
Like any of you would start I told her that, I am attracted to her since the first day I saw her for this reason I wanted her to have knowledge and join me along in this life. She looked at me with tenderness and sent me a very nice smile I thought that would only give me a yes answer. I remained serious and calm on my topic and would love only to hear from her a positive answer inshallah. She told me, “I don’t want to love and for this reason I can answer no to your proposal.”
As usually girls in that region in most cases for the first time they don’t admit friendship as simple as that and so I was not very discouraged. It was not the end of my struggle and yet on other topics of the discussions she could just join me normally. I told her, to keep in her mind that I was not convinced by her short and unproved answer. She told me, “That is what I have to say to you for today.”
Believe me that night was very long and I did not sleep. A number of questions hovered inside my head. What am I going to do in this town now? What shall I do to make sure that this girl answers me with a yes response? Doesn’t she love me? On my bed I was there only waiting for the daybreak. The
I have experienced loving a girl for about five years in a close relationship and still sincerely lost her without my acceptance.
It happened that I was to come to Wau for my secondary school studies. During my first days of arrival my sight was all attracted by her and specially I grew crazy and had nothing else than to say that I love her. I declared in my heart that I could express my opinion to her. And before doing it so I had to inform my cousin who was my age mate about my decision and thank God the young man welcomed my idea and promised to help me in the process.